Today I talked about revenue and 401K plans and networks and protocols.
2 months ago this would have incited a mild heart attack followed by some childish tears and sulking. I think I’ve moved past this extreme sensitivity to anything that feels overly “adult,” but I still worry from time to time about whether or not I’ve sold out to a standardized life of duty.
I think I’ve landed on a conclusion, however, that will keep me afloat as I ambark on this segment of life where I welcome work as simply another experience that will show me a piece of the world yet unseen; albeit less exotic than Sevilla, Spain, and less carefree than living on a houseboat, but all in all I’m learning that accepting a full-time job doesn’t mean that my life must become characterized only by revenue goals and conference calls.
..it most definitely could, if I let it.. but I’m realizing that if I choose, really I can make this next phase the most artistically fruitful time of my life. I can make the richest and most rewarding investments in relationships, not just in a retirement plan. I can boldly pursue my ideas for a life of adventure, and not just my boss’ ideas for company growth.
So I suppose it comes down to my realizing that everything is about perspective. I spend far too much time fearing what I don’t know, and it’s not until I’m in the thick of an experience that I realize it’s nothing at all like I had imagined. I’m not even gonna thing about how much time and energy I’ve waster being anxious about a fabricated daunting future. I often act as though guessing what the future will hold will better prepare me should it actually turn out that way. But let me say, I’m finding that the only truly effective way to deal with uncertainty is to welcome it. Keep hold of it. Literally wring the life out of it by seizing everything it brings you to…
Fear=stagnancy. Making friends with the ambiguity of being human=movement.
If nothing else, at least be able to say you’re moving forward. All that to say, I’ve decided to move forward, with a bold smile, a pen and paper, and the determination to maintain the ragamuffin, young, artistic side of me despite my wearing professional clothing and acting like a grown-up 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. And who knows, I’m thinking that maybe the very intentional efforts I’m gonna have to make to maintain my carefree nature outside of my professional nature will result in a period of artistic growth more abundant than I’ve yet seen out of myself.
So from 9 to 5 I may be hair pulled back, coffee on the go, contracts and appointments, but before, after, and all throughout I aim to keep letting the world in through rainbow colored filters, and moving about my days and nights as poetry in motion..
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