Regretfully, i preface.

Oh the first posting, I’m nervous. Not that I know what I’m trying to start here, but beginnings usually signify so much in setting the stage for what’s to come. Well let it be said that nothing is planned, other than thoughts. Words in my head, turned into words on a page, and eventually, hopefully, turned into a sort of connection to others..
For years now I’ve known this gut inclination to write what i think, yet I’ve been feeling like it’s all just been ending there prematurely.. Writing has been this marvelous channel for me to process my movement through the days, but it’s proven insufficient in itself. Well as it turns out, (logically to most, but this took some time for me to learn for myself) there is an aspect of sharing your thoughts with others that just isn't fulfilled by simply writing down scratch notes in the little pocket book i keep to myself and shield from the eyes of even those closest to me. It’s that external delivery of thought, the throwing out of something that started inside, and letting it just be in the hands of someone else. You see that risk isn’t a present danger when you limit your expression to a private notebook. And that safety, which comforted at first, has now come to stifle.
SO, basically i've been thinking a lot about how i feel like there are things i have to say, and ways i have of looking at things, and questions i have, and sensations i get from all different experiences in life- that i want to share with other people. Being introspective and pensive has its benefits I suppose, but there comes a time, for me at least, when the things you think become the things you need to say. and if you don't say them, give them as a delivery to others (be it through speech, art, writing..) then you feel like there's something inside you that's going to do one of two things: either it will 1. build and build and ultimately burst out in some less-than-preferable way, or 2. it will die inside you. personally, i think the latter is much more tragic.
so here we have the blog- a simple, clear cut 'step 1' in the how-to process of expressing oneself and creating an avenue for others to understand the parts of you that tick madly as the world floats on. I’ve had quite a few, what I like to call, ‘lifey’ moments over the past few years that have all meant something big to me, so I’m guessing this page will become a cornucopia of past scratch notes (typically my most significant thoughts and epiphanies emerged as such), muddled in with current realizations, fascinations, observations, enjoyable words and phrases, and other assorted bits of intrigue. For some reason it never occurred to me before that there are ways this simple to begin releasing your words into the air of freedom that is the world wide web.. but i have this friend who fully understands how golden it is to express thought and perception, and after receiving a message of encouragement from him (of curiously appropriate timing), I felt commissioned in a sense.. to move forward. Because after all I happen to believe that there is very little permanence in life.. so if something feels right and necessary, then it is to be shared, now.

oh and I’ll also try to stop prefacing things so much, it’s just a defense based on insecurity after all. and I think writing, if it accomplishes anything, should aim to cultivate an openness and hunger that makes the defenses crumble at the seams...(So the prefacing thing stops now, I just had to get that first one out of my system.)