Not surprisingly, I've been thinking about big-picture kind of lifey things lately. So much so that I've had a hard time caring about the day to day responsibilities that continue as normal. When my state of mind is as it is right now, I find it annoying that we have to keep up with the minor duties of life like oh, say.. our jobs.. while simultaneously musing the greater purpose of living and breathing. But, I suppose the truth is that just because I'm choosing to spend the majority of my time thinking about things more lasting than a patient review meeting, or the rent check, or my insurance claim, doesn't mean it's wise to abandon my place among my duties. ..or sometimes, to some extent, is it?

i don't even know what i mean by "wise"...

sorry i don't think this thought is going anywhere. i'm just tired. i'm too tired to even continue capitalizing my i's.. much less process the mysterious balance between living in the real world and living in the curiosity and idealism of existential thinking.

..if i were to write a movie scene about how i've felt the last few days, it would read as follows:

[Me, sitting at a weathered dining table, quiet, patient, a bit disheveled. I'm staring out the window, hardly acknowledging the presence of anyone else. Real Worlder busily passes through the kitchen for a moment..]

Real Worlder: "Hey Tobin have you figured out what you're doing for dinner? Oh and have you had a chance to phone the cable company yet? The connection keeps cutting out on us. i just can't believe they raised the rent again.. Do you want to go down to the landlord's place tomorrow and take it up with him?"
Me: "No thank you, i'll just stay here and have a cup of tea with my mortality."